Word Count: 1000 Max
Theme: Haunted House
Trope: Comedy
Prompt: Character: Must be told through letters or messages
Placed: 3rd in group
Dear Horris Property Management,
I am writing on behalf of my client in regard to 4030 SE Holgate Blvd, Apt. F, and the known spirits residing inside the property. When signing the lease, my client was made aware of the property’s spiritual magnetism, as well as the adjacent retirement home that appears to funnel souls directly into the residence. However, they were not made aware that they would be responsible for resolving said spirits’ unfinished business in order to prevent a full infestation.
This has caused my client significant financial strain, emotional distress, and an unreasonable time commitment.
Spirit of Tom Mannerfold Senior:
Mr. Mannerfold’s dying wish, as quoted in the message he left on the fogged bathroom mirror, see attached image: Mannerfold.png, was to “go out in a blaze of glory, nose-deep in cocaine and shooting motherfuckers like in the movie Scarface.”
Upon negotiating with Mannerfold Sr. via Ouija board, my client reached an agreement with the spirit to approximate these wishes in a manner that was both financially feasible and less likely to result in felony charges. This required my client to mix Mr. Mannerfold’s ashes with caffeine powder, rent a paintball course, and arrange for several employees of the adjacent retirement home—whom Mannerfold Sr. repeatedly referred to as “snowflake male nurses”—to participate in the reenactment.
We are also seeking reimbursement for emotional damages caused to my client by having to strap the urn to themselves while enduring continuous verbal abuse regarding my client’s aim, the authenticity of my client’s masculinity, and what his mother’s spirit was allegedly partaking in with other former residents of the retirement community via a spirit box my client was required to purchase.
During these negotiations, the spirit of Mr. Mannerfold Sr. grew increasingly impatient with the length of time required to fulfill this task. In retaliation, he invited additional spirits to reside inside my client’s dwelling, where they proceeded to violate local noise ordinances, harass my client, and cause further emotional distress. Their activities eventually managed to summon not one but two demons onto the premises.
My client previously submitted a request to your office for removal by a ranking member of any clergy. This request has gone unanswered. As a result, his bathtub is now filled with frogs, and all food that enters the dwelling spoils immediately upon crossing the threshold.
We would like to settle this outside of court for the damages listed on the negotiation document.
Sincerely,
Edward Allen Morgan, Esq.
Morgan, Borgan, and Cain
Hello Mr. Morgan,
Before continuing, I have attached an exact copy of the lease agreement between Horris Property Management, HPM, and your client, Tom Mannerfold Jr., henceforth referred to as Tommy.
As mentioned in Section 7, Paragraph 3 of the amended lease agreement, Tommy sought residence at Broken Oak to ease the transition of both his mother and father from this plane. He agreed to assist in the removal of no fewer than ten problematic spirits in order to be moved up the property’s waiting list. HPM has already assumed the financial burden of leasing the apartment to Tommy at one quarter of its market value.
Due to the increased popularity of “goth” culture, our waiting list for the luxury haunted apartments known as Broken Oak commands a significant market premium. This is largely due to community events such as Speed Dating with Asmodeus, which Tommy attended every week.
If you look at the attached security video, you can see Tommy at the event inviting two demons, visible as the two shadows, to his apartment. This coincides with the dates provided in the documents you sent us. This invitation violates both the liability agreement Tommy signed when first attending the weekly gathering and his lease agreement prohibiting the housing of entities of devilish origin.
As far as the costs for the removal of the spirit of Mannerfold Sr. are concerned, this would be considered a domestic matter, as referenced in the case House v. Matthews. Given that the spirit in question is not only a resident entity but also Tommy’s father, HPM considers this a personal family matter. All costs for tools used in spirit removal are addressed in Section 3, Paragraph 1, where Tommy agreed to operate as a contractor and take on the costs of trade tools.
Regarding the removal of demons, Section 9, Paragraph 4 states that individuals may find dolls, dybbuk boxes, and other resources useful in the entrapment of demonic entities inside the community center. Since Broken Oak’s main draw is to provide a “Happy Haunting,” the presence of any member of the clergy is strictly forbidden on the premises, as they may cause unrest among Broken Oak’s talent.
As we believe we are not at fault, we will not agree to any financial reimbursement regarding the removal of Tom Mannerfold Senior and are actively seeking the eviction of Tommy.
If you wish to continue to court, please let me know.
Sarah Hogan, Esq.
Legal Counsel
Horris Property Management, LLC